I don’t know why I bother (sad ***************)

Rival blog members and banned former members of this blog (the sad ************) have reported me for not having a gambling licence for my competitions and for not displaying a valid or registered address for my e-commerce activities. Apparently a PO Box isn’t enough, the sad ********.

It is DME Policy not to reply to these people as they are simply rival blog members and banned former members of this blog trying to bring my empire down. I don’t have to answer to anyone here in the HQ. Well, apart from me mam.

Apparently they are complaining about something as trivial as this from the UK’s e-commerce regulations:
Service providers, whether involved in e-commerce or not, should provide the following minimum information, which must be easily, directly and permanently accessible:

• The name, geographic address and email address of the service provider. The name of the organisation with which the customer is contracting must be given – this might differ from the trading name. Any such difference should be explained – e.g. “X.com is the trading name of XYZ Enterprises Limited.”

It is not sufficient to include a “contact us” form without also providing an e-mail address and geographic address somewhere easily accessible on the site. A PO Box is unlikely to suffice as a geographic address; but a registered office address would.

Abosolute rubbish. I’m not selling anything, any money received goes to the Duncan Mitty Foundation to help unfortunate delusionals in the Wallsend area called Duncan. The DMF is a non-registered charity.

Then they started whingeing about my competitions not being legal under the Gambling Act and the Amusements and Lotteries Act. Pathetic. Apparently three elements must be present for a competition to be deemed a lottery and therefore illegal:

• a distribution of prizes;
• by lot or by chance; and
• chances should be secured by a payment or contribution by those who take part (or the majority of those who take part).

Therefore, if there is no payment or contribution then the competition will be a free prize draw and as such will be legal.

I can assure you that all of my competitions were a free prize draw and not a lottery because no payment was secured to enter. Only Gold Blog members could enter and, as you all know, to be a member of the Gold Blog requires a “donation” not a payment. I rest my case.

Don’t forget none of the prizes actually exist, the competitions are run so I can add to my list of reasons to pay me to be a subscriber of the Gold Blog. It was all a joke.

I will tell the authorities, when they contact me, that there is no reason to proceed with their actions because these people are simply jealous of me and obviously have too much time on their hands to spend time reporting me for trivial matters such as this. I simply dismiss them on this basis and can’t be bothered changing my ways based on these sad ****** reporting the truth.

Poor me, my gerbil died last week and I used to live next-door to a criminal. My doctor died a couple of years ago, my wife left me and in the past and I had to spend time making up stories about threats to my family. I don’t know why I bother I really don’t.

Sure, the purchase of the DME hotel in Atlantis fell through. Sure, the purchase of the house overlooking the hanging gardens of Babylon fell through too. But they were all just a joke, didn’t you see that? I was joking, you didn’t really believe me. It just so happened I got a few extra “donations” when I wrote the stories but that was coincidence, silly.

I could have sold this site to Russ Abbott and Larry Grayson at the height of the dotcom boom but thought I’d stick with my “family” of blog readers to provide them with what they want. You just don’t know how hard it is to do my job, I’m a saint. A little illegal activity here and there shouldn’t stop me. No-one gets hurt, let’s face it. If I make a few quid from gullible teenagers or devoted Boutros Boutros Ghali fans, that’s not a problem for me.

Things are really busy here at DME HQ, subscriber numbers have quadrupled (I’ll post some pictures of my shed and some plasma screens later to prove this) and I barely have time to sit in the back yard drinking Netto cider these days as I’m fabricating stories of buying a house overlooking the hanging gardens of Babylon and meeting Boutros Boutros Ghali 24/7. All for you wonderful readers.

Donate to the Gold Blog 2.0 here. Don’t write to a PO Box No. as I’ve never mentioned one of those and anything you see in the google cache or on archive.org has been put there by rival blog members and banned former members of this blog (the sad ******)