We’ve only gone and done it

Yeh, I flew a banner plane over the UN building as their latest meeting was convened. The message was chosen by a member of the Gold Blog 2.0 who won a competition.

Looks great, doesn’t it? This is what your subscription payments to the Gold Blog 2.0 are spent on.

Rival blog members and banned former members of this blog (the sad ********) have said that I waste your money on self indulgent shite like this rather than getting hold of a genuine insider at the UN building. They’re just jealous. I own a Merc and a shed at me mams house and they just can’t handle someone being as successful as me.

I also own some plasma screens and lots of posters too, they can’t handle that either. That’s the real issue, not all the illegal activity, the conning of gullible teenagers or the constant lies I print on the blog. That’s just a smokescreen they’re using to get at me but it wont work. I’ve handled these sort of numpties for years and will do so for a long time in the future as I’m not changing my ways based on these facts that are printed in rival blog.

Poor me, I’m skint, we can barely keep the servers running. I had to bury my guinea pig and all my family are being threatened. My Doctor died a few years ago, the server costs are enormous. I send a free birthday card (to paying subscribers) every year so please donate to my Gold Blog 2.0. My pet whippet was killed in a bizarre cycling accident and I have no friends as I’m always in the DME HQ writing bullshit. Poor me. I might have to do a proper days work if things carry on like this, please help me.

Things are busy at the HQ, I’ve got Kevin doing all the work while I’m drinking cider in the back yard. The cunning part is that I’ve transferred all the illegal activity associated with this blog to him but I bag all the cash. Great, eh? He’s my stepbrother so I’ll still visit him when he’s banged up. That’s what I’d do for you, you’re all family too. If you were to get banged up for me I’d do the same for you, that’s the kinda guy I am, yeh.

Poor me.

Sign up to the Gold Blog 2.0 (£30 per year) FREE SMS messages (only £40 per year), loads of great competitions, banner messages on the back of planes, pictures of my family in shirts, pictures of poster ridden portakabins, pictures of my plasma TVs, pictures of a second hand Merc, lottery every week, pools too, a free bottle of the elixir of life to every subscriber, a free key fob, free cut and pastes of newspaper articles, free broadsheet newspaper articles reworded into ersatz tabloid style articles, free freebies, 24/7, 99.9% of the time. Come on subscribe, I’ve got a family to feed, help me, poor me! I need help, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, help! The drugs are wearing off, reality is coming back, help!