Before signing off I’d like to rant about the campaign that’s been running against the blog but mainly myself, I mean my whole innocent family, since last summer. Thousands of Boutros fans have been targeting my family with facts and questions about me since then. Someone (the sad ******) is behind this and some other people too. Obviously, I’m aware of who this someone is as they have contacted me from a fourth dimension trying to come to a financial arrangement for it to stop and, erm, trying to kill me really badly, yeh. That offer has been rejected so I expect them to continue printing the facts on their blog. I could have accepted the offer, obviously, but decided I’m more of man than that. They’re really bad people and I’m dead nice. If anyone knows who these bloggers are, please let me know as I’m fed up of reading their blog.
OH SHIT
Erm, don’t go looking for their blog whatever you do. I’d be really stupid to advertise their blog on here as I’m in the shit big time if you read it and cancel your donations.
SYMPATHY AND AN ATTEMPT AT DEFLECTING BLAME FROM MYSELF
I’m a morbidly obese loser with personality disorders – that’s f***ing true I hear you say! I’m no angel and I’ve made some mistakes but I generally try to keep hold of any money pilfered until legal action is threatened. I can look after myself, providing I keep getting the benefits and the oxygen mask is working, but I think it’s a bit sad that these people (I know who they are) – who claim to be Boutros fans – have started dragging my family (Derekanna aged 58, Demi aged 12 and K3V mental age 3) into their fact printing. I’d never, ever exploit my children in any way and you can see the latest video of my daughter saying as much, beamed down direct from my own satellite station: MiTV, every half hour.
MORE SHITE AND MORE DEFLECTING BLAME FROM MYSELF WITH SOME FAMILY REFERENCES THROWN IN FOR GOOD MEASURE
I continually ask them to stop publishing facts on their blog as it’s harming my income stream. Can you ask them for me, obviously I know who they are and where they live but I’d prefer you to do it for me as my mum is dead busy at the moment. They published the address of one of my houses (I’ve got loads and loads of them) on the internet and it really upset my youngest son because he thought those internet bloggers were coming to get me. It makes me sick. You can see his distressed face on the latest episode of The Strife and Crimes of Duncan Mitty (MiTV 9.30). Please donate more money, I’m innocent I tell ya, innocent. I can barely make ends meet, please donate more. Think of the children!
DEFIANT STANCE AND LOSING IT AT THE END
Don’t worry about these former (members) banned (the sad ****) I’m not going to stop blogging because of these sad lion tamers, trapeze artistes and tightrope walkers (with the help of a few clowns). I’m stubbornly hanging on until the lawyers, police and taxmen get hold of me. I’ve seen it all before, 10 years of internet presence, billions of members, 99.9% signing up every day, two vans, Glenn Hoddle’s bungalow, yeh, help me.
MORE DEFIANCE AND AN ATTEMPT TO GET SOME MORE DONATIONS
We chose to lock down all the comments, require a donation, stop any references to other blogs and stop members from interacting with each other as it means I can keep the truth from everyone. Sure, I can’t have advertising too but I can make a few more quid this way. Anyone who doesn’t like the blog is always free to ask for their membership to be cancelled but I’ll put up a fight and only cancel one of the two paypal payments I managed to set up when having the Gold Blog 3.0 and Blog Insider 1.7 set up. Thankfully, millions of members renew every day because I have a program which creates fake usernames in a jiffy and I love raking it in by infringing copyright and blatantly steal from other sites. If that doesn’t work I just make it all up and put Ed: in front of it. Easy peasy.
I’VE GONE THROUGH THIS ROUTINE SO MUCH I’M STARTING TO BELIEVE IT MYSELF – IT MUST BE THE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS – ARE PEOPLE REALLY STUPID ENOUGH TO BELIEVE THIS FESTERING BULLSHIT?
Both myself and K3V put ourselves on MiTV for a bit of a laugh, the kids don’t know any better so I can take advantage of them. We can handle it all but please leave my family out of it. See what I did there? I’m trying to garner sympathy by making out my family are being targeted by nasty bloggers. Will the more gullible please post some nice comments saying how hard done to I am please. That normally gets me a renewal or two and I’m absolutely skint at the moment. I just can’t believe that any educated, decent Boutros fans would condone such behaviour.
SOME HONESTY
If someone really wants to be suckered into fantasies and false claims then this is the blog for you! I want the gullbile on there, just accept what you read as fact, that would be nice. You can donate as much as you want to my pie and beer fund.
OBTUSE DEFIANCE
No matter what campaigns are run against me personally or my blog, you’ll never discourage me from ruining the site on my own. I’ve conned quite a few people along the way but I’d con them all again without a second thought. That’s just the way I am, I’m a sociopath and mover and shaker in the world of Blog writing as you can see.
CONTRADICTIONS GALORE
I love Boutros, it’s my life. Also, I have no other skills and could barely pass a GCSE in English as you can well read so I’m clinging on the this crap for as long as I can. I do have a very active imagination though. Some people have said I’m a mindless cunt hiding behind a computer and a PO Box address. I don’t need to use false aliases any more because I’ve left so many trails to my true identity on the internet it’s not worth the bother. I hide behind false addresses but I’m a tad dim so didn’t realise you can just contact the Royal Mail to get the real address behind a PO Box with a phone call or an email. Damn them. That’s ok because I’ve used my family’s address, I don’t give a shit about them as long as no one can find me, great eh? I let my mum answer the door and she just says I’m out.
BULLSHIT
You’ll have seen some of the stuff aimed against us, some’s funny, some’s not. But you won’t have seen the stuff that they’ve been doing offline. Neither have I, to be honest, because I’m making it all up.
PLAYING THE I’M A NICE GUY/YOU’RE PART OF THE FAMILY CARD
I don’t like commenting about it but I feel I need to do vent my splein at regular intervals because the net it closing in and I might just get a few more donations on the sympathy vote before I go into hiding. I shall make a vow to not comment about it again until the next time I comment about it. And that’s a promise because we’re all family. As long as you keep paying the donations, that is. Otherwise I’ll get the hitman on to you. Or my mum.
GARNERING SYMPATHY
I feel I have to do it because having spent the last 13 months with Nobby, my horse, Hilda my next door neighbour’s aunt’s cousin second removed who are both extremely ill. They’ve both developed hearing problems recently, I noticed, as I was whingeing about my blog and I think they both slipped into a coma 4 hours into listening to how hard done to I am.
CONVERTING SYMPATHY TO DONATIONS
Times are hard, I’ve sold my Mercedes to buy an old Transit Van and I’ve spent a lot more money travelling over to New York with my mum and K3V to meet Boutros. I managed to get a picture with him and obviously we had a meeting for many days but decided I wouldn’t show the whole video of the meeting so as not to break the secrecy pact I had with Boutros. I have a picture of me standing next to him outside the office with my mum though. Some of the information he gave to me is highly secret so it can only be read on the Gold Blog 3.0 FREE to paying donators.
WORLD’S NO1 VIP BOUTROS BLOG ON THE INTERNET
While I was over there I managed to find a cure for cancer, devise a way of achieving world peace for less than 6p a day, met some Aliens near Area 51 and had a few KFC Bargain Buckets. Obviously I can’t give any more details as I wouldn’t want to upset the World Economy but you can read more about it on the Gold Blog 3.0 if you’re a VIP.
DRUG INDUCED SELF-ESTEEM
Much to my chagrin, people saw through my attempts to hide my face on the MiTV BlogCasts so I’ve had to show my obese bloated fat-festooned lardy pumpkin HUGE F*****G FAT BOUNCY CASTLE OF A FACE on the latest episodes to try and achieve a bit of credibility. Now they’re all saying I wish I’d hidden my ugly balloonesque mug as they’re puking up all over the show, yeh. So I have put up a small fight. Expect loads of my face on the internet in the near future as I chase around after people and pretend I’m associated with them.
SPECIAL OFFER
As a special offer to all the DME family, sign up once within the next 30 days and I’ll take two donations from your PayPal account! YES, double charge you at no extra cost to me! I’ll also throw in a copy of my Duncan Mitty – My Life Story DVD (Johnny Depp playing me, Boutros played by Jimmy Nail, Madonna herself and Ray Mears played by Adrian Chiles). And as an extra special offer I’ll send you a birthday card providing you give me your real address (Note: Hitman may hunt you down and kill you in event of breaking AUP or, even worse, my mum may phone you)
Sign up for the Gold Blog 3.0 here. Loads of shit-packed, moronic, fabricated news and views all from your favourite Obesemeister and fake aliases. See me spending your hard-earned cash on travelling the world and standing next to important people. See me trying to stitch up famous people on my latest videos. If you can’t understand that I’m pissing your donations away on this feeble crap then this is the Blog for you.
